Indian Dinner Etiqutte

DOs and DON'Ts When Attending an Indian Dinner Invite

DO Make a dry run the night before if you've never been to that person's house. The directions you're likely to receive will not involve road names but rather "petrol pumps" and Bata shoe stores as landmarks.

DON'T Arrive before 8:00pm. In fact, 9:00pm is more on target for your 7:00pm dinner date. Sweat profusely and complain of the "traffic these days" upon arrival.

DO Eat whatever snacks your hosts have provided. You won't be seeing a single grain of rice for at least an hour after getting there.

DON'T Offer to help the hostess with anything, but instead make the obligatory remark that she's doing too much running around and feign irritation, asking "why don't you sit down???"

DO Prepare songs in multiple languages in case the rumor that you "sing well" gets out and you are pressured into a post-dinner performance. The Celine Dion Titanic song and anything by Bryan Adams are the way to go for English songs. Oh, and some Carpenter's song about the "Top of the World." Even teenagers in India seem to know and love it.

DON'T Complement any dishes that you aren't fond of. Anything you deem "tasty" can and will be used against you and promptly packed into a large tupperware container for you to take home.

DO Return the tupperware in a timely manner, otherwise you will be shunned as "that person who takes everyone's tupperware."

DON'T Be surprised at the mass exodus that occurs immediately after the last bite has been consumed. Subcontinental socializing always occurs before the meal. Grab a rosgulla or jelabi and hit the door so you can collect your sandals and skidadle before the frenzy of goodbyes begins.