I Reek of a Pyramid Scheme

Last night I went to the newly built, multi-million dollar YMCA in downtown Grand Rapids with my friends Sarah and Tad to do some exercise and release some much-needed seratonin. The last time I had a vigorous workout was almost six weeks ago under the same circumstances. Thank goodness for guest passes.

I was short of breath after merely hiking up two flights of stairs to the area where the large indoor track and impressive array of fitness machines seemed to mock me. I worked up a sweat giving the eliptical thing another shot (swivel your hips to fitness!) and making a meek attempt at weight lifting. A large, beefy guy was standing directly behind me, hands-on-hips, as I did the pull-down bar thing. He kept staring me down in the mirror and waiting until I got tired, presumably. He had a look in his eye like King Mufasa hunting down a hapless gazelle.

I don't what I was thinking, but I decided to shower at the Y. A bit prematurely smug, I took my towel and mini shampoo from my Jansport backpack and commenced to the showers. Unfortunately, the muggy misery of the showers mimicked the 90 degree humidity outside. Plus I forgot the essentials, which sadly included sandals, underwear AND soap. I was forced to cleanse my person using the weird foamy stuff in the dispenser on the wall. Bleh. It was most likely provided by the Grand Rapids-based Amway corporation, internationally famous for 1) innovating the "pyramid scheme" and 2) providing the world's people with poor quality, cheaply made products one could easily purchase at a local store for a fraction of the price.

I went out with some friends for dinner and spent the rest of the night paranoid that I smelled like an annoying capitalist venture. You can't hate on Amway out loud in Grand Rapids, though. They employ like 30% of the population.